Yesterday I was sitting on top of Stahlman Point in the sunshine with my dog and Doc Watson’s song Sitting On Top Of The World, came on my headphones. At that moment there were only a few clouds in the sky, the last of the fall leaves were shaking in the wind and the river was rushing down below. Things could not have felt more perfect.
I rarely feel this at ease, not conjuring up to-do lists, plotting my next adventure, thinking of bills or just stressing over life. So instead of hiking back down, I sat there in the sun and let it all sink in, enjoying the last views of fall and the simpleness of being alive.
A friend asked me recently if I considered myself an introvert or an extrovert, whether I felt more alive or gained energy by being around people or being alone. I had to think about this, and the more I thought, the answer was clear...
I am an introvert.
I am happiest when I am alone. Don’t get me wrong, I need the company of others and I thrive in a group environment but when I’m out in nature with my dog, listening to my favorite tunes, with no-one around I feel like this weight is lifted off my shoulders. My mind is clearer and my soul is happier. Life just feels so much more right.
I’ve spent so much time in my life searching for this feeling, this weightlessness. I’ve been on this search of becoming “myself”, experimenting with different versions of me, trying on all the faces, I didn’t see what was right in front of me.
It makes me laugh, that after all of it, I think the one I liked the most, was the kid version. The little girl who grew up in Gales Creek on a farm, who ran through the fields to play down by the river. The little girl who spent summers trying to read as many books as possible to win the library book challenge. The little girl who never stopped making crafts and believed each piece was truly art. The days when cares were minimal and life was simple.
I keep looking for something more, but I’m starting to realize that just maybe where I came from and how I began held the answers I’ve been searching for the whole time.
